Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
