U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Welp...herpes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
