drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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