there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
