i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
