My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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