you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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