so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I supernannyed him into submission
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
