My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
