My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sarcasm needs its own font
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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