You don't have asthma, your pregnant
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
