i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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