I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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