I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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