i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize