hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
