I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
