By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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