yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
