Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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