Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
