On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
