We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
