I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
