you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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