i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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