all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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