Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
