some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want to be your penis for a week.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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