Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
