I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
