I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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