I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
