You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
