I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
