I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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