well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
