so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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