Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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