this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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