So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
