i permit you to call me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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