Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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