a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize