I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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