So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
