she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
