How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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