mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
