You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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