Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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