forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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