I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
