A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i would punch a child for taco bell
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
