Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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