Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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