I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
