I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
