I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
