Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize