I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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