I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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