you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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