Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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