I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God I need to hump something, right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
