I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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