it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
